How do I know I’m Asian?

Many Reasons:

1.) The fact that the mere sight of the feather duster still brings tears to my eyes is probably a strong indicator.  Ask any asian what their parents’ favourite method of “DISCIPLINE” is, and they won’t hesitate to answer (while flinching), “THE FEATHER DUSTER”.

2.) Going to the Olive Garden means filling up on ONLY the all you can eat breadsticks and salad and taking home the ACTUAL meal for dinner.  TOUCH THAT ENTREE NOW AND YOU’LL BE MEETING THE FEATHER DUSTER.

3.) Instead of being warm inside like all the other normal children, wearing three and a half sweaters at all times and sleeping under two heavy duty blankets and some jackets sounds more rational than using a normal amount of heat.

“I mean why PAY for heat, when i’ve already paid for all these CLOTHES??”

4.) And the most recent indicator that I’m Asian probably occurred to me this morning when I realized the girl at Starbucks overcharged me a buck forty for a cup of coffee and banana bread the day before causing me to stay up ALL night.  And die inside.

It’s starting to occur to me…maybe this way of thinking is perhaaaappps not the best.  I mean, think of all the sleep I could have had if only cheap did not run through my veins.

Maybe I would have had enough energy to make it to the gym.

Or maybe I could have mustered the enthusiasm to roast an entire chicken served with all the fixins’ instead of caving in to fast food for dinner tonight.


Now I’ll never know.  All for a buck forty.

And I think, I’m going to be better next time.  When they overcharge me a buck forty again, I’ll sit back, relax, and think, “No big deal, it’s only money.”

But then I hear Papa C in my head saying, “That’s TWO pies at Mcdonalds, TWO coconut buns, a chocolate bar, or a hamburger with a coupon – how dare you be so wasteful.”

And Mama C shrieks, “What foolish and wasteful daughter have I raised?!”

In the end, you know it and I know it, I’m fighting a losing battle.  You just can’t stamp the cheap out of Asian.  You CAN, however, stock up on napkins, forks, spoons, knifes, salt, pepper, and packets of ketchup the next time you’re at the Wendy’s to save money on groceries.  (PRO TIP: write that down)


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