It’s not me, it’s YOU

….Well, it might be me, but I’m not about to go ahead and admit that.

You ever sit across from an old friend and find yourself thinking, “Why are we even friends anymore?”  That’s where this afternoon found me.  Over brunch.  With a friend from high school.  Who I apparently can’t really stand anymore.

I suppose it’s a telling sign when the most interesting conversation of the entire meal IS what your meal is going to be.  (Well, I could go for the three cheese chorizo omelette.  OR I could opt for the seafood benedict.  BUT THEN WHAT ABOUT THE CORNED BEEF HASH??)

We ordered.  And then I was like NOW WHAT.  (I guess it’s a good thing she’s chatty…)

She was sitting there talking (and talking and talking and talking) and meanwhile, I had this whole internal dialogue going on inside.

‘What are you even talking about right now?  How long have we known each other?

Too long maybe…?  I know you’re talking about something that I probably should be finding interesting, but I just DO NOT CARE.

I can’t wait for my food, I’m glad I opted for the multi-grain toast, I think I totally deserve it after my workout today.  I probably shouldn’t have eaten that large bag of popcorn last night though….

OOooOooo something shiny behind her!’

And then comes the part where you start noticing a whole bunch of things that irritate you about that person (some of them possibly irrational).


Why are you talking so fast?? Is it a race? I can’t even understand what you’re saying.  (But I also don’t care enough to clarify)


Why do you keep cutting me off mid-sentence?  WHY DID YOU ASK IF YOU DIDN’T CARE??


WHY IS YOUR HAIR BLACK I HATE THE WAY YOU CHEW.  (the most rational of course)

It could have just been that I was grumpy because I came straight from the gym looking like a bag of trash and needed a shower.

Let’s be real though, that is 99% not even possible.  Even if I was squeaky clean and looked like BEYONCE, you’d still be annoying the fack out of me.

Soooo, maybe people just grow out of each other sometimes?  And maayyybbe that’s okay?  OR MAYBE we should go on A BREAK.  (“Weeee were on a breeaaakk.”  I will never grow tired of that Friends reference.  NEVER).

If I think about it though, it IS kinda sad.  We have known each other for a long time.  You know, we’ve got that history thing people are always talking about.

But every time I see you, you just annoy me SO much.

At least there’s always a silver lining.  Namely that I got all this for 8 BUCKS!  YAAAAAA succkkaaasssImage

2 thoughts on “It’s not me, it’s YOU

  1. To funny. I had this same realization yesterday. Its awful. You almost feel as though you are shackled to the chair and cannot possibly leave, and when you finally do reach that beautiful moment on the clock, it is the most awkward moment you have been waiting for. “Okay… well nice seeing you today… bye! *turn to walk awa– okay and now apparently we are hugging. awesome.

    • haha except you are definitely more tactful than I am. At the end, it came to the point where I stood up, essentially mid-conversation, and was like, WELL BETTER GO LOOKS LIKE THEY’RE CLOSED NOW. Abrupt much? maybe a bit….

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