You know it might be a problem when your friends’ nickname for you is Mess. And it’s not even that my life is all that messy (or interesting for that matter) – I just have this tendency to make bad decisions that make it sound that way. As a messy and uninteresting person, I can probably be defined by a few simple things:
1.) I am absurdly average (I even once had an elementary school teacher stand me up in front of class for a math assignment and proclaim to everybody, “Everyone, take a look. This is Meaghan, she is average.”)
2.) I fall fast and I fall hard. This is where messy-ness ensues.
3.) I frequently chalk mistakes up to important life lessons. I also frequently fail to learn from these life lessons.
4.) I love douchebags. I hate myself.
5.) Food is the vessel through which I work through all of life’s dilemmas. (Refer to “Mess Hall” for further proof of heavy reliance on food)
6.) I am an advocate of personal growth. Now that I’m in the latter half of my twenties, after years of dismal dating scenarios, I’m proud to say that I’ve managed to significantly lower the reliance on alcohol as well as the public vomiting aspect of my public breakdowns.
Also, now that I’m in the latter half of twenties and should therefore be lovely, calm, and sophisticated woman at all times, is probably good idea to revise behaviours.
- Think positive thoughts about life
– Take up refined hobby like knitting, crochet, or basket weaving and spend evenings in crafting project that people make people look at me with wonder and awe
– Stimulate mind with activities like chess, crosswords, and yoga rather than rotting mind with rubbish netflix every night
– Drink posh beverages like gin, wine, and craft beer instead of no classy cheap vodka that is reminiscent of rubbing alcohol
– Focus at work so can move up to job with some sense of satisfaction
– Buy more quality item pieces of clothing so as to look posh rather than hundreds of rubbish quality clothing items that come apart in washing machine
– Control portion sizes
– Spend evenings finding peace in cooking and baking delicious food items in manner of domestic goddess, Nigella Lawson
– Host more elegant dinners at home with friends rather than spend all my money on trashy bar where heavy men step all over shoes
– Go to the gym at least three times a week, not just to stare at fit personal trainers
I WILL NOT
- Compare myself with skinny beautiful girls who have fabulous lives, jobs, and boyfriends
– Spend three hours at a time scouring said girls’ Facebook or Instagram accounts, but instead will do something productive like cook a tagine
– Spend three hours at a time on Facebook or Instagram accounts all together, but rather immerse self in stimulating endeavours such as classical music
– Drink entire bottles of wine to myself on a weeknight but rather, limit self to classy glass or two
– Spend entire paycheques on happy hour alcohol selections
– Eat all the contents of snack drawer when have had a bad day but rather, munch on carrot stick.
– Spend entire evenings watching dreadful netflix programs
– Go out to trashy club on Saturday night and become sloppy drunken person who tries to talk to anyone who will have her
Life is all about stories and I hope to use this space as an area to interact. Please your stories, advice, or any comments because I would love to hear from you!